Why not “just foster” and adopt from there? Great, even if slightly judgy, question. Fostering is amazing, fostering is hard, fostering is stressful, fostering is beautiful, fostering is important, fostering is messy, fostering is needed! The goal of fostering is reunification and I am not emotionally ready for the heartache that can come with that path. Sure, it is monetarily “free,” but as someone who wants to be a mom more than anything, it is anything but “free.” I can’t imagine loving a kiddo, putting everything of myself into that baby and have to let them go. I am not saying I never will be able to do that, we have talked about it, but at this age, knowing what we want, we have chosen private adoption to start our family. Not eliminating fostering to expand our family, but I need to really work to be emotionally prepared for that journey.

I have learned that this journey is having to hold onto what is best for me and my husband, and not what is best for those around us. As a professional people pleaser, this is another step in my growth away from that when it goes against what I know is best for me.

So, here we go. On this journey of ups and downs, invasive questions, wondering if we will be denied because of x, y, or z. Knowing we would be awesome (and annoying) parents, who will do what it takes to make the best choices and home we can for our kids. If you ever want to question your life choices, go through the home study process to be approves to adopt a baby!